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About New York City

So, I tried it once—yeah, me, Larry freakin’ David, in some shady joint downtown. The ad said “professional,” but the place smelled like patchouli and regret. This chick comes in, all calm, whisperin’, “Just breathe, man,” and I’m like, “Breathe? I’m hyperventilatin’ over here!” She starts rubbin’ my shoulders, and I swear, it’s pretty, pretty good—till she gets to my lower back and I yelp like a chihuahua on a hot plate. “Whoa, lady, that’s restricted territory!” She laughs, says it’s all part of the “release,” and I’m thinkin’, “Release? I’m about to release my lunch!”

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I swear, sometimes the city’s mood swings like a drunken bard. Its mood shifts so freakin fast – heart racing, paused, and then all calm. And I'm there, muddling through my counseling sessions, feelin' every beat, every rush of adrenaline! Theres, like, this extravagent mix of raw sadness and fleeting joy.

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