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What suprised me? How chill she was—like, she’s seen it all, probs met worse than me. I’m thinkin, “Christ, I’m 007, but she’s the real boss here.” Bit of a turn-on, not gonna lie—exaggeratin for effect, she’s basically M with better legs. I ask her name—somethin fake, probs Candy—laughin, I go, “That’s a gorgeous neck, darlin,” stealin Hans Landa’s creepy charm. She smirks—game on.

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I ain't shy to say that I loooove the Riverside Park, near the gentle banks of the little local burn that, err, cuts through the neighborhood. It's where I chill after a long day. Sometimes, as I stroll by, I feel like I'm walking in one of Hou Hsiao-hsien's slow motion sequences – “Time flows on, inevitable, like our past dissipates,” I murmur that, if ye catch my drift.

Three found seriously injured at house following disturbance