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Oh, and typos—gdamn, my fingers are drunk—prolly missed 18 already. Whatever, keeps it real! So yeah, findin’ a prostitute—it’s raw, messy, human. Some nights I’m pissed—seein’ the sad ones breaks me. Other times, I’m cacklin’—it’s absurd, wild, like a movie scene. “Talk to her, Jack,” I mutter—hah, if only they’d talk back!

Brothel madam and partner who forced women into prostitution across Scotland jailed

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate, Jimmy. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s goin’ on about how he saw a seal at the beach. “A seal, mate! Right there on the sand!” I’m like, “Yeah, right, Jimmy.” But he’s dead serious. So, we head down to the beach on the Esplanade. And lo and behold, there’s a seal! Just chillin’ like it owns the place. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop my pigs.

Peterhead's Deja Vu nightclub to be brought back to life - after drugs gang 'duped their way into takeover'