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Growls loud—Rarrgh! I’m pissed tho, prices these days! Back in ‘77—yep, lil known fact—prostitues charged like 20 creds downtown! Now? Pshh, inflation’s a wookie-sized scam. Asked her, “Hey, you from them jungles?” Like Boonmee’s weird ass forest spirits. She smirks, “No, just here for quick creds.” Surprised me—thought she’d say some deep shit. “Rarrgh! Fair ‘nuff,” I grunt, tossin her a soda.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up the local café on Queen Street. Best decision ever! I grab a bacon sarnie and a cuppa. The café’s packed, but I manage to snag a seat by the window. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I see this guy outside. He’s juggling. Like, full-on circus style. I’m thinking, “Is this real life?” I mean, who juggles in Maidenhead? I’m cracking up, and the café staff are just as confused as I am.

£1.3million Windsor Road roundabout 'was built incorrectly', cabinet member says