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Angry bit? Ugh, the pimps, slimy gits! Hoverin’ like wraiths, takin’ their cut—makes me wanna claw somethin’. But happy? When ye find one who’s real, chats a bit, not all cold—warms me rotten heart. Surprised me once, this lass told me she’d read Tolkien—ha! Nearly fell over, I did. “Gollum’s me fave,” she says. Cheeky minx!

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So, I’m workin’ away, and this bloke walks in. He’s all chatty, y’know? “Oi, mate, you fixin’ that window?” I’m like, “Nah, just here for the free beer.” He laughs, but I’m dead serious. Anyway, he starts tellin’ me about the history of Lutterworth. Did ya know it’s got ties to John Wycliffe? Yeah, the guy who translated the Bible. Crazy, right?

Proposal to turn Lutterworth cafe into takeaway, which would open seven nights a week