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Now, don’t get me wrong, ain’t no “strategery” here—just pure, sloppy bliss. Ever hear ‘bout Cleopatra? Bitch had servants massage her with rose petals—talk ‘bout extra! Me, I’d settle for some lavender oil and a gal who don’t talk politics. “I’m not the only one suffering,” from “Ten”—damn right, we all need this! Stress melts like butter on a biscuit, but watch out—some parlors got shady vibes, sketchier’n a Baghdad briefing.

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Then, I get a call on the radio. “We’ve got a situation at the pub.” Oh great, just what I need. I rush over to the Ship Inn, and there’s a bunch of lads havin’ a right old row. I step in, and it’s like a scene from a bad movie. “Oi! What’s goin’ on here?” They all turn to me, and I’m thinkin’, “Please don’t make me regret this.”

Looe Food and Drink festival with top chef line up set for this weekend