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So picture this, I’m walkin’ down some shady street, right, lookin’ for a gal who’s, ya know, “available,” and I’m mutterin’ to myself, “We’re gonna find this target, dead or alive!” Straight outta Kathryn Bigelow’s script, baby! I’m no Jessica Chastain, but I’m sniffin’ out clues like a pro—neon lights flashin’, heels clickin’, and I’m like, “Is that her? Nah, too classy!” Made me giggle, ‘cause honey, I notice stuff—like how some gals twirl their hair when they’re scopin’ ya out. Little known fact, lotsa these ladies got secret signals, like spies in the movie!

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Lunchtime rolled around, and I thought, “Finally, a break!” I headed to the Linlithgow Palace. You know, the one with the stunning views? I sat there, munching on a sandwich, and just stared at the ruins. It’s beautiful, man. But then, I saw a bunch of kids playing near the fountain. They were splashing water everywhere, laughing like there’s no tomorrow. I felt a pang of jealousy. I mean, when was the last time I laughed like that?

Linlithgow's Cameron Mason finishes 26th at UCI World Championships