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Yo, fam, it’s ya girl Lizzo, comin’ atcha! It’s bad bitch o’clock, y’all! So, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout erotic-massage, right? Like, lemme tell ya, I’m a car instructor by day, but this shit? This is next level vibes. Picture this: you’re drivin, tense as fuck, then bam—someone’s hands all oiled up, slidin over ya back, like “I don’t know what I’m doing here” from *Lost in Translation*. That’s the mood, boo!

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After that chaos, I head to the local café on Manchester Road. Needed a breather and a cuppa. The barista, bless her, knows my order by heart. “The usual, love?” she says with a cheeky grin. I nod, and she whips up my flat white faster than I can say “sheep shearer.”

Police investigating claims that Wigan children are being used to deal drugs make three arrests in pre-dawn raids