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About Leeds

So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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We hit up the park on the corner of Ashburton Road. It’s a nice spot, loads of trees and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “If I were a dog, I’d totally be here.” And guess what? We find the little fella! He’s just chillin’ under a bench, like, “What’s all the fuss about?” The owner’s over the moon, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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