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Now, lean in, here’s the quirky bit—I’m obsessin’ over their shoes, yeah? Always shiny, clickin’ like beetle wings. Why’s that stick in my head? Dunno, mate, but it’s hypnotic. Oh, and the stories! Heard one about an escort who nicked a bloke’s watch mid-date—cheeky minx! Laughed my arse off imaginin’ him chasin’ her, trousers half-down. Sarcasm? Sure, half these punters think they’re Casanova, but they’re just wallets with legs—escorts know it too, takin’ the piss behind their backs.

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As I’m walkin’, I spot this cool little shop on Cheap Street. It’s got all sorts of quirky stuff. I go in, and it’s like a treasure trove! I find this weird-looking gnome. I can’t resist. I buy it. I’m thinkin’ it’ll make a great addition to my garden.

A ‘truly frightening’ number of offences detected on Frome roads