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I’d toss in humor, tho—can’t be all doom. Like, one chick’s all, “Ten bucks, big boy,” and you’re like, “For THAT?!” Sarcasm’s my jam. Maybe a mini-game where ya haggle—total chaos, I’d suck at it. Mmm… donuts, wish I could trade THOSE instead. Oh, and get this—there’s a real story from Amsterdam where a guy hired a prostitute just to talk bout his dog. Swear it’s true! I’d sneak that in, make players laugh or cry, whatever.

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Finally, I get to the Freckleton Sports and Social Club. It’s packed. I mean, who knew a Tuesday could be this lively? I walk in, and the smell of chips hits me. I’m starving! But no time for food. I gotta focus.

Miguel Freckleton recovering from injury at Swindon Town