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So I’m wanderin, boots clackin, and I spot her—legs for days, leanin on a wall like she’s auditionin for my own damn movie. “Everyone’s a character,” Kaufman’d say, and she’s playin hers perfect. I’m hyped, heart’s racin—UNLEASH THAT INNER BEAST! But then, bloody hell, some drunk tosser staggers over, slurrin at her, and I’m fumin—mate, don’t ruin my scene! I wanna yell, “Step up or step off!” but I chill, play it cool.

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little café on Long Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, I ordered a “Devizes Delight” and it tasted like cardboard. But hey, caffeine is caffeine, am I right? I chugged it down and headed to the market. The Devizes Market is always buzzing, full of locals and tourists. I love it!

Claims wheelchair users are 'at risk' trying to reach £11m health centre