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So, we’re talkin’ rates, me and her. She’s cool, no bullshit. Says, “Thirty, full deal.” Hate negotiatin’, but fair’s fair. Hand her the cash, crisp bills—none of that digital garbage. She winks, says, “You’re a weird one.” Damn right, I am. Hate normal. We head off, and I’m thinkin’, this beats watchin’ Cathy cry over her pansy gardener any day.

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Then, I spot this group of tourists near the Market Place. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient treasure. I stroll over, all casual, and say, “You lot need a guide?” They look at me like I’m a wizard or something. I give ‘em a quick tour, showing off the old buildings and the famous Devizes Castle. They’re snapping pics, and I’m feeling like a rockstar.

Police confirm 77-year-old man has died after Devizes house fire