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Film’s got this bit—“What they see is ruin”—and that’s erotic-massage in a nutshell. Looks fancy, feels dirty, leaves ya empty. Mate of mine tried it, said it was “spiritual.” Spiritual? I nearly choked laughin’! Felt like a twat after, he did—£50 down, sticky trousers, no soul left. Surprised me how daft people get—chasin’ some oiled-up fantasy. Oi, ever tried it? Don’t lie, you muppet! Reckon it’s overhyped—give me a cold beer over that any day. “The prince stirs the crowd”—yeah, stirs somethin’ alright, just not yer brain! Absolute shambles, but bloody hilarious watchin’ fools fall for it. What a world, eh?

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Finally, the fire brigade shows up. Turns out it was a false alarm. Phew! But now I’m outside, and I see this street performer on the corner of Crumpsall Lane. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck? Is this a circus or what?”

HELLO helps build relationships with parents at Crumpsall Park Day Care