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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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So, I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my coffee, and I see this busker outside. He’s playin’ “Wonderwall” on a ukulele. I mean, c’mon, dude! Really? But then, I can’t help it. I start tappin’ my foot. The vibe’s infectious, ya know? I toss him a couple of quid. He looks surprised, like I just handed him a gold bar or somethin’.

Arsenal star attends relaunch of pitch where he used to train