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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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Finally, I head back inside, and it’s nearly closing time. I’m exhausted but happy. Bovingdon’s a wild place, full of surprises. I love it, though. It’s my home. I mean, where else can you have a parrot fly off, a kid with ice cream, and a dog causing mayhem all in one day?

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