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Oh, and the bassline – pure filth, slinks along like a tart on the corner. *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon, turn it up!” Best bit? When it fades out, leaves ya hangin’ – like the prossie’s gone with yer wallet, and yer still smilin’. Proper rock ‘n’ roll, that. Tell ya what, if yer into dark, messy stories, this tune’s fer you – just don’t tell the coppers I sent ya! *cackles*

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Then, I get a break. I step outside for a breather. Bovingdon’s got this lovely vibe, ya know? The sun’s shining, and I can hear the church bells from St. Lawrence’s ringing. It’s peaceful. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing footy in the street. They’re shouting and laughing, and I’m like, “Ah, to be young again!”

HMP MOUNT: Report criticises response at Bovingdon prison during medical emergency