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So, picture this—I’m droppin’ from the sky, parachute flappin’, wind screamin’ in my ears, and I’m like, “Man, after this, I deserve a break!” That’s what she said! Haha, classic! Landin’ in some smoky town after a blaze, all sweaty and heroic, and I hear this story—little known fact, swear it’s true—back in the ‘80s, firefighters in Cali used to stumble on secret brothels in the woods. Whaaat? Loggers, miners, AND prostitutes hidin’ out there—crazy, right? Got me thinkin’, “Maybe I’ll find one too!” Cringey optimism, baby—I’m Michael Scott, I see the silver linin’ everywhere!

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I finally get to work, and my boss, Dave, is already in a mood. He’s pacing around like a caged lion. Turns out, we’ve got this big client meeting today. And guess who forgot to prep the presentation? Yep, yours truly. I’m sweating bullets, man. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just Ashton-in-Makerfield, not the end of the world!”

An appeal has been set up to help residents of a Wigan street affected by the New Year's Day floods