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About Leicester

Oi mate, right, so I’m David Brent, yeah, top dog from Wernham Hogg, but today I’m moonlighting as some Russian job classifier geezer—mental, innit? Anyway, let’s chat “find a prostitute”—not your usual 9-to-5 gig, eh? Proper underground stuff. Picture this: me, strutting about like the Joker from *The Dark Knight*—best film ever, hands down—“Why so serious?” I’d say, twirling a pen like it’s a bloody knife. Cracking movie, that. Heath Ledger? Legend. Absolute chaos merchant. Anyway, back to the prossie hunt.

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a trolley full of stuff. I mean, FULL. Like, how many bags of flour do you need? She’s chatting away on her phone, not even looking at me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, your total is…” but she’s just nodding, totally zoned out. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m just a ghost here.”

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