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About Newcastle

I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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First off, I’m late. Classic me. I rush outta my place, nearly trip over my own feet. I grab a coffee from that little café on Terrace Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly friendly barista who always asks about my weekend plans. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a warden. My weekend plans are usually Netflix and avoiding human interaction.” But I smile and nod, ‘cause I’m polite like that.

Aberystwyth: Shark helped back into the sea