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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it so tricky? Small town blues, man! Web’s all “search X, browse sites,” but I’m scared Marge’d catch me. “Homer, you pig!” she’d scream. Happy tho—imaginin’ it’s like *Great Beauty*, all glamorous, not sleazy. “Life’s a parade,” Jep says—I’d strut, fat gut and all, lookin’ for my Roman fling! D’oh! Prolly trip over Apu’s trash first.

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So, I get to the prison, and it’s already chaos. I mean, come on! It’s Aberystwyth, not London! But nah, the inmates are all riled up. Apparently, someone’s been spreading rumors about a new guy. You know how it is. “Oh, he’s a tough nut,” “He’s got connections,” blah blah blah. I’m just tryin’ to keep the peace, but it’s like herding cats.

TNS lift Nathaniel MG Cup after narrow win over Aberystwyth Town