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So, I’m out in the ends, right, lookin’ for this lass. Ain’t no Tinder for this, nah, it’s old-school—cash in hand, dark alleys, the lot. I’m thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ‘cos these streets be judgin’ me harder than a Fincher close-up. Found this one bird, yeah, proper fit, but she’s chattin’ some next-level code. “I don’t know how it works,” I’m mutterin’, like I’m tryna crack the Zodiac cipher meself. She’s all, “50 quid, quick job,” and I’m like, “Bruv, I ain’t no amateur!”

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Suddenly, she says, “You should lighten up! Let’s grab some fish and chips!” I’m like, “You read my mind!” So, we hit up the chip shop on North Parade. Best chips in town, hands down. We sit by the beach, munching away, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. The sun’s setting, and it’s gorgeous.

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