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Oh, and get this – some escorts, yeah, they’d tattoo their rates on their thighs, proper cheeky. Saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink – talk about in yer face! Dunno why, but I kinda respect the hustle, y’know? Still, if one crossed me, I’d have her head on a spike faster than you can say “Pray she don’t get pregnant!” – *Spring Breakers* vibes, all chaotic and mental. So yeah, escorts – mad, messy, and a right laugh if you ain’t the one payin’. Now sod off, I need more wine.

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I gotta say, being a masseur here opened my eyes. I see subtleties others just brush past – stress in a stiff shoulder, hope in a gentle sigh. Like in that flick "The Gleaners and I" – each knot unwound was like peeling another layer off the human onion! And, well, I get all sad and happy all at once. Some days I'm mad, others I'm chuffed. Nothing like a good ol’ kneading session to spill out your inner monologue, right?

Wideopen drink driver spat at neighbour who tried to stop her getting behind the wheel