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About London

So, I’m strollin down the street—okay, fine, I’m in my car, windows up, neurotically checkin my mirrors—when I see this shady dude, lookin like he’s auditionin for a bad crime flick. He’s got the trench coat, the sly grin—total “find a prostitute” energy. And I’m like, “Really? REALLY?!” What happened to class, huh? Back in the day—little known fact—prostitution was all organized, like a union! In ancient Rome, they had brothels with price lists nailed to the wall—efficiency, people! Now? It’s all sketchy vibes and awkward eye contact. Makes me wanna scream, “Get a room—or a robot!”

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So, I rush over to the office on the corner of Station Road. I’m dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. I get there, and my boss is like, “We’re downsizing.” My heart drops. I mean, who even uses that word? Downsizing? Sounds like a bad diet plan. I’m fuming inside. Like, how can they do this?

Town could be ‘split in two’ if new council boundaries are created