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Now, findin’ a prossie ain’t just walkin’ up and done, nah. There’s a code, innit. Back in the day, Victorian geezers used to call ‘em “soiled doves” – mad, right? Little fact for ya there. So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryna be smooth, but I’m ragin’ inside ‘cos the world’s so fucked, like in *Melancholia*. “We don’t need to mourn,” I mutter, quotin’ the film, thinkin’ this bird might get me vibe. She don’t, tho – she’s all, “What you on about, you nutter?”

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I hang around the town centre a lot 'cos I help folks sort out their lives. I sometimes sit on a bench near the town hall on Maple Street, where I listen to people’s confessions. It kinda reminds me of that line – “The world is filled with chaos.” And man, I've seen plenty of it.

Sutton-in-Ashfield adventure park is a hit with Notts families