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Sometimes it’s ace, though. Met this one geezer – fit as, proper charmer. We’re texting, sexting, whatever, and I’m buzzing like a bee on a flower. “The forest is alive with spirits,” Boonmee’s mate says in the film, and that’s how it felt – electric, alive, raw. But then – plot twist – he’s a catfish! Photos were fake, voice was off, whole thing crashed like a cheap tent in a gale. Pissed me right off, it did. Wasted me time, me data, me dreams!

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Oh, and let’s not forget River Thistle – a sneaky little river that slices through the city. I mean, c’mon, sometimes it spills over on a rainy day and you gotta jump over puddles. It makes me laugh, but also get all nostalgic. I had a date once on its banks that turned into a comedy of errors – mad but fun, ya know?

Plans for new primary school in Stakeford given go-ahead despite drainage concerns