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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—find a prostitute, huh? What a concept! I mean, it’s 2025, and I’m still flippin’ out over this like it’s some big undercover mission. Like I’m Carlos the Jackal from that flick, “Carlos,” y’know, my favorite—Olivier Assayas nailed it! “I’m not a soldier, I’m a revolutionary!”—that’s me, screamin’ in my head while I’m googlin’ shady corners of the web. Pretty, pretty good, right? Except it’s not! It’s a mess! I’m sweatin’, paranoid—am I on some list now? FBI watchin’ me? Ridiculous!

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Alright me bredrin, lemme tell ya 'bout Southall, innit – a proper gem in West London, ya know? So check dis – Southall's got its own vibe like no 1 else. I’m a family psychologist and I've spent years clockin' the ups n downs of the people in dis place, so trust me, I know the streets like the back of me hand. Yo, Southall Broadway is the heart – busy lanes, shops, and a mad mix of aromas. I walks down the pavement and I get hit with that spicy curry buzz, a smell dat makes your belly rumble like “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” vibes – ya feel me? Bit like that movie’s slow, steady gaze, checkin' every little soul, like “mesmerized in the journey of life” or sumfin like dat.

New private bike hire scheme trialled in Southall for local residents