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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Once the fire brigade clears us, I head back in, and my boss is fuming. “You can’t just leave like that!” I’m like, “Chill, it was a fire drill!” But he’s not having it. I’m ready to throw my hands up and walk out.

Blyth Spartans v Prescot Cables | Saturday, 14 December 2024 - 15:00 | League