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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, London’s streets were crawlin with em, 80,000 prossies, can ya believe it? Now it’s all hush-hush, apps and dodgy ads – modern Gotham shit! I’m laughin, thinkin, “What’s next, a bleedin Bat-Signal for a shag?” Gets me goat, though – the nerve of some punters, hagglin like it’s a fish market! “You’re an absolute disgrace!” I’d yell if I caught em.

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I get to the workshop, and it’s chaos. Absolute chaos. My mate Dave’s already there, looking like he’s been through a blender. “Oi, mate! You won’t believe what happened!” he yells. I’m like, “What? Did you finally get a haircut?” Nah, turns out the CNC machine went haywire. Like, it was spitting out parts like confetti. I’m talking metal bits everywhere.

Santander UK Plympton branch closure 'disappointing' says MP