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The chick’s kneading my back, and I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, killer!” She’s digging in, finding knots I didn’t know existed—stress from dealing with idiots all day. Then—bam—she hits that spot, ya know, right where the spine curves? Electric. Like Tony Leung’s stare in the movie, all quiet and smoldering. “Mrs. Chan, your husband’s a bastard,” I mutter in my head, channeling Wong Kar-wai. This massage? Same vibe—secrets, heat, no words needed. But then she’s all, “Turn over,” and I’m thinking, “Oh crap, now what?”

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Then, I head over to the Oxted train station. I’m thinkin’ I’ll catch a quick train to East Grinstead for some fresh air. But nah, the train’s delayed. Classic. I’m standin’ there, watchin’ the clock tick away, and I’m like, “Great, just great.”

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