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Sometimes it’s awkward, tho. Hands everywhere, I’m laughin’, “That tickles!” Exaggeratin’ here, but once I farted—oops! Ruined the mood, hahaha! Still, it’s chill, makes ya feel sexy, like Naomi Watts in that flick. “This is the girl,” I whisper to myself, starin’ at my belly. Total goofball moment.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Birmingham Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They’re outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, people! I’m fuming, but whatever, I grab a sausage roll instead. Not the same, but I’ll take it.

Oldbury customer punched in face at shop as police issue picture appeal