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The worst part? Catfishers, ugh, they boil my blood! This one dude—swore he was 6’2”, ripped, shows up lookin’ like a soggy noodle. I’m like, “You must play,” quotin’ Szpilman’s grit, but inside I’m screamin’, “Liar!” Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time you’re dodgin’ fakes, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. Little tip: check their pics for blurry hands—dead giveaway they’re hidin’ somethin’.

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So, I wrap up my work, and head over. The café’s called “Brewed Awakening” or something cheesy like that. But OMG, the coffee is fire! I grab a flat white, and it’s like a hug in a mug. I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy, right? But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a total mess, and the barista’s tryin’ not to laugh.

GP surgery plan emerges for former Leicestershire student accommodation