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So, I’m picturin’ it—layin’ there, oil everywhere, hands slidin’ all over, and I’m like, “Yes, bitch, respect my authoritah!” It’s not just some lame backrub, nah, it’s got that naughty edge. Did ya know, back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from like, 20 concubines at once? Freakin’ insane! Bet they were all, “Oh, emperor, you so tense!”—suckers probably died happy. Makes me mad tho—where’s MY concubines, huh? I deserve that shit!

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After that fiasco, I head over to Church Road. I’m thinking, “This place is usually chill.” But no, not today. I get a call about a rat infestation in a café. I rush over, and the owner is losing his mind. “They’re everywhere!” he screams. I’m like, “Calm down, mate. I’m here to save the day.” But honestly, I’m starting to feel the pressure. I mean, who wants to eat a sandwich with a side of rat?

RAF Northolt team complete Gherkin Tower climb for Fund