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So, sex-dating—gods, what a cesspit. I’m scrollin’ through profiles, thinkin’, “What in the seven hells is this?” Blokes posin’ with their mum’s dog, lasses with filters makin’ ‘em look like bloody porcelain dolls. Makes me wanna puke. I choose violence, right? Wanna smash me phone against their thick skulls. Little known fact, yeah—back in medieval days, they’d have “courtship” with chaperones, no sneaky shaggin’ in a tavern corner. Now? It’s all “DTF” and “u up?” at 2 a.m. Progress, my arse.

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We start off at the St. Nicholas Church. It’s stunning, like, proper old-school vibes. I’m telling them about the history, and this guy interrupts me. “Is it haunted?” he asks. I mean, c’mon! I’m trying to give a tour, not a ghost story! But then I think, why not? I start spinning this wild tale about a ghost named Old Man Walsham. Totally made it up, but they were eating it up!

Bar and bistro awarded major national accolade for the first time