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I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, this is the life.” Happy as fuck, muscles loose, mind blown. But then—bam!—some places charge crazy, like $200 an hour! Pissed me off, fam. Ain’t no massage worth that much green, ya feel me? Still, when it’s good, it’s good. Surprised me how them hands can turn stress into smoke. Poof! Gone, like Llewelyn runnin’ with that cash.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Central Avenue. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They were outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s a café, not a vegan retreat! I was fuming. I mean, who doesn’t love bacon?

Work starts on new near £1m community 'hub' in Newton Aycliffe town centre