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Oi, quirks? I’m mutterin’ “my precious” at every dented Escort I inspect – obsessed, me! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but one crashed into a cow once, swear it, moo-vin’ violation! We swears! Escorts ain’t glamorous, just real – like *Amour*, “it’s life, so what?” Tell ya mate, if ya got one, insure it proper – they’re magnets for mad shite! Gollum knows, seen it all!

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Back at the office, things get wild. The market takes a nosedive. I’m staring at the screen, and it’s all red. My heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “This is it. I’m gonna lose it.” I can feel the pressure. My hands are shaking. I’m about to throw my phone out the window.

Dog owners warned over poisonous plant on Newquay beaches