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Typing fast, typos galore – soryy, too excited! They’re tough, they’re real, they’re – whoa, almost cried thinkin’ bout Strings. Personal quirk? I’d totally jam with her, riffin’ on the corner. Prostitutes, man, they’re the soul of the streets – “The Great Beauty” in flesh. C-3PO – Panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?” – gotta find my droid, tell him this!

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Then, I decide to hit up the Newhaven Fort. I mean, it’s a must-see, right? I’m wandering around, and it’s all cool and historical. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists just stares. I’m like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.” Totally embarrassed, but whatever. I get up, dust myself off, and keep exploring.

Newhaven's SCFL play-off bid is over after defeat to Peacehaven and Telscombe