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But real talk, escort risky, ya? You dunno who come—could be cop, could be cousin, wery bad surprise! “Shame” got dat vibe—Brandon all secret, scared, “I find you disgusting,” his sister say. Dat hit me, I feel dat shame sometime, like, “Borat, why you do dis?” But den I shrug—life short, very nice! You try escort, you tell me, yes? Wawaweewa!

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First off, I grab a quick brekkie at this tiny café on High Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best bacon sarnies? Yeah, that’s the spot. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this seagull swoops in like it’s on a mission. I swear, it nearly took my sandwich! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, and the café owner’s just laughing. Great start, right?

Newhaven's SCFL play-off bid is over after defeat to Peacehaven and Telscombe