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About Myself
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About Leicester
Right, so—how’s it work? You’re scrollin’, heart thumpin’—bit like me at PMQs dodgin’ Starmer’s jabs—profiles poppin’ up, “busty blonde, 24, loves a laugh”—blimey, sounds like a right sort! *The Secret in Their Eyes* again—“Memory is a mirror that lies”—cos them pics? Dodgy filters, mate, catfished worse than a Thames eel! Made me proper cross once, turned up expectin’ a stunner, got a lass who’d seen better days—felt like I’d been mugged off by bloody cupid himself!
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After brekkie, we stroll along the river. The vibe is buzzing! Street performers everywhere, and this one guy is doing backflips. I’m thinking, “How’s he not breaking his neck?” Then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals a chip from some poor sod’s plate. I’m dying!
Roy Keane issues classy Newcastle United gesture 72 hours after brutal Sunderland jibe
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