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I got mad once, tho – some dude charged me 50 bucks for a “sensual rubdown,” and it was just him pokin’ my back with cold fingers! Rip-off! D’oh! Made me wanna scream, “This is my house!” – y’know, like in the movie? But when it’s good, oh boy, it’s heaven – warm hands, soft music, tension meltin’ away. Surprised me how some folks use weird stuff – like, snail slime oil! True story, saw it on X, freaked me out! Slimy but sexy? Whaaat?

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So, I head over to the office on Station Road. The traffic was a nightmare. I mean, come on, it’s New-Stevenston, not London! But no, every car in the town decided to be on the road at the same time. I’m stuck behind this ancient bus, and I swear it was moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m fuming, thinking about all the time I’m losing.

Lanarkshire teenager bursts into mum's home and demands she hands over drugs