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Dunno, mate, it’s a rum do. Some reckon it’s sleazy, others call it art. Me? I’m torn – love a good rub, hate the faff. Last time, slipped off the bleedin’ table – oil everywhere, looked like a greased pig! “The harmony’s broken,” I yell, quotin’ the flick, sprawled on me arse. Laughed so hard I nearly wept. You tried it? Reckon it’s worth a punt, or am I talkin’ bollocks? Tell ya what, it’s a butcher’s dream – all that kneadin’, but wivout the cleaver!

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First stop, I’m off to Wrexham Road. Got a call from Mrs. Jenkins. She’s freakin’ out ‘cause her kitchen’s turned into a rat rave. I get there, and she’s all “They’re everywhere!” I’m like, “Calm down, love. I’m here to save the day.” But honestly, I’m thinkin’, how’d it get this bad?

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