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Picture this: dim lights, oil smell hittin ya nose, and somebody’s hands just—whoo—unlockin every knot you got. “What we need is to talk,” Celine says in the movie, but nah, what we NEED is this! I’m lyin there, feelin like a queen, thinkin, “Oprah, you deserve this, girl!” Sometimes they hit that spot—ooh, right on the lower back—and I’m yellin in my head, YOU GET A CAR! ‘Cause it’s THAT good. Ain’t no shame in it neither—folks be actin all prudey, but I’m like, “Chile, loosen up!”

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After a long day, I’m knackered. I head to The Blue Bell for a pint. I need it. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “Rough day?” I’m like, “You have no idea.” I tell him about the rat army, the council, and the kid with the hamster. We both laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the rats.

Two men charged after cars stolen in Mold