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I exagerate sometimes—sayin’ I’ve banged half the state—but nah, I’m picky. Gotta vibe, ya know? Like them cowboys, sittin’ by the fire, sharin’ whiskey—sex-dating’s better when there’s a spark. Gets me happy thinkin’ how it’s all primal—humans been hookin’ up since caves! Caveman Tinder: “Me Ug, me smash, you in?” Git-R-Done!

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Then, I decide to grab some lunch. I hit up this little pub on Huddersfield Road. The food is solid, but the service? A bit slow. I’m sitting there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about how British food is just “meh.” I’m like, “Nah, mate, this pie is bomb!” But I can’t help but think, why do we always have to defend our food?

Mirfield's Knowl Club - CAMRA's second best club for real ale in Yorkshire - is set to host its annual beer festival.