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So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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So, I finish my sarnie, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. I head back to my spot, but then I see this group of kids on the corner of Marchwood Lane. They’re playin’ footie, and one of ‘em kicks the ball right at me. I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? They all burst out laughin’. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you little rascals!” But deep down, I’m smilin’. Kids are the best.

Three weeks of night-time closures on busy Forest route