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We head to this dingy flat—smells like fags and regret. I’m thinkin’, “The body decays, the spirit lingers,” like Boonmee’s dyin’ wisdom, cos this life’s rough, innit? She’s crackin’ jokes, though—says I look like a toff who’s lost his castle. Cheeky mare! I’m lovin’ it, cos she’s got banter, and I’m a sucker for that. “You’re a rare one,” I tell her, and she winks—pure class.

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But then, something amazing happens. One of the kids raises his hand and says, “I wanna be a pilot!” And suddenly, all the chaos stops. They’re all listening to me, and I’m like, “Yes! Finally!” I start talking about careers, and they’re actually interested. It’s like a miracle.

Firefighters spend four hours at caravan blaze