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I tried it once—erotic-massage, not mayo—well, maybe mayo too, don’t judge! The lady was all pro, hands like magic, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “This is better than starfish naps!” But then—ugh, get this—she used some weird smelly oil. Made me mad! Like, “Yo, this ain’t *The New World* vibes!” I wanted that “sweet scent of earth” feel, y’know, like when John Smith’s all poetic and stuff. Not stinky feet lotion! Gimme lavender or somethin’ sexy, jeez!

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After that, I decide to check out the local shops. There’s this quirky little bookstore on The Causeway. I love books, but this place? It’s like a treasure hunt. I find this dusty old novel, and the cover’s falling off. I’m like, “This is a gem!” But the shopkeeper? He’s all, “That’s not for sale.” What? Why even have it on display then?

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