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But ugh, what pisses me off? The creeps who haggle! Like, hon, she’s workin’, not runnin’ a flea market! I saw this one guy, total schmuck, tryin’ to lowball a chick in fishnets—made me wanna smack him with my purse! Happy stuff, tho? When ya find a real pro, all charm and no drama. Surprised me once, this gal knew *Timbuktu* quotes! She goes, “Where there’s land, there’s war,” and I’m like, “Sister, you get it!” Bonded right there, heh heh heh!

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Theatre group to perform play about rewriting your own narrative