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Oh, and—little secret—some oligarchs hire ‘em for insane parties, like 50 girls at once, caviar and all. Heard it from a drunk client—dude swore he saw Putin there, wink-wink. Bullshit, probly, but funny as hell! “My precious!” I screech, lovin’ the madness of it all. Beats sittin’ in an office, countin’ death rates, y’know? Hiss! What’s your take, mate—crazy enough for ya?

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After that, I thought, “Let’s hit the shops.” So, I wandered over to the High Street. You know, the one with all the quirky little shops? I popped into this vintage store. Found a sick jacket, but it was like 50 quid! I was like, “Nah, mate, I’m not made of money.” But I did buy a random vinyl. It’s some old band I’ve never heard of. Probably a mistake, but whatever.

Suffolk care home staff and residents complete giant knitting project