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Fun fact, yeah? Oldest sex-dating ad—1700s, lonely geezer in a newspaper, “Oi, need a wife, quick!” History’s full of horny sods, innit? Nowadays, it’s all digital—sextin’, dick pics, bloody hell! Gets me ragin’—why you sendin’ blurry rubbish, you muppet? Focus, ya daft prick! Still, gotta laugh—mate of mine matched a lass, turns out she’s his cousin. “Run, Rocket, run!” I cackled, nearly pissed meself.

Nurse struck off for sexual relationship with patient

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So, I start scanning his stuff, and he’s chatting away about the good ol’ days. He’s rambling about Longton back in the day, when the High Street was buzzing. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Can we speed this up, please?” I’ve got a queue forming, and it’s not just any queue. It’s the “I’m in a hurry but also want to complain” kind of queue.

Crackdown on kids care home applications - as this controverial plan is passed