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Oh, and the smells—oils, lavender, all that jazz—takes me to another planet, bruv! But real talk, it ain’t just sexy time, it’s therapy, yeah? Relaxes you proper, sorts your head out when life’s a mess. I reckon Darren Aronofsky’d dig it—dark, intense, but beautiful, like his flick. “Let’s get high on this,” I’d tell him, but nah, it’s all legal, chill vibes!

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Finally, we get the all-clear, and I’m back in the auction house. I’m pumped now, ready to roll. The bids start flying, and I’m in my element. I’m shouting, “Going once, going twice!” and the energy is electric.

Baby girl joy for Surrey stab victim Abigail Witchalls